My forever muse & one of my favorite humans on earth.
This is past Anjanette, dropping a blog that’s been in the vault for a minute. I updated it because 50-11 things have happened since then. I don’t want to write a novel, but the tea is HOT.
My doulas, what’s good, beautiful? Birthworkers, what up?! I heard you had a challenging year. SAME. Nobody wants to mention how busy this year has been because it’s not over yet. But mo’ money, mo’ problems, right?
Doula training programs, pull up a damn seat, homeboy. Not all training programs, please look away. No, come back, actually. Your “competitors” think they’re slick. I’m slicker than oil on a tile floor.
Let’s begin.
I need to reach into the archives with this one. My mom passed away in 2015, 364 days after her diagnosis. She left the world quickly, but my father transitioned within 24 hours of his hospital admission. I found this out last year, exactly one year ago. I read my dad’s medical records when I was 4 years old. I learned about the birds & the bees at 6 years old. People cringe when they hear that, but hearing about sex at a young age had me ready to turn to my Lord, Jesus Christ. Nun me, please, because what? I couldn’t believe my mom was partaking in such activities with my dad. I wanted to understand why my brother and I were so close in age, and why the stork didn’t come take him back. I prayed to the stork to return this child ASAP. So that’s that. Sex? Y’all are disgusting, fr.
What I learned recently is that my parents were deeply in love. That DNA test I took through Ancestry (sale in progress RIGHT NOW) changed my damn life. I had no idea what my dad’s side of the family held. Our relationship was fractured after my daddy transitioned. Pain, trauma, pregnancy will do it. My mom was pregnant when my father passed away. His oldest sibling, my Aunt Lucretia, shared that my dad was so loved. The students at his school packed out the bus to attend his funeral. Daddy’s funeral was packed to capacity. Hearing my Aunt Agatha & Aunt Lucretia’s voices made my year complete. On October 11, 2026, I finally understood everything my heart desired to know. They answered the questions that my soul needed answered. Without me asking. Aunt Agatha was a nurse. I knew it!!!! I smelled a nurse in the family. I found the culprit, you guys. Aunt Agatha is ridiculously easy to talk to. Like HEY FRIEND, I MISSED YOU!!! energy.
My Aunt Lucretia was trying not to cry when we spoke. It was hard to believe that anyone would feel that deeply about me without having contact with me for so, so long. I was a baby when I last saw her. Aunt Lucretia shared that she prayed she’d speak to me before she left this world. I couldn’t believe she was talking about me. That touched me in a place that I didn’t know existed. The synchronicities we share are extensive. Finding my women, finally? That’s the biggest gift of all time. Being a doula made me realize that I don’t want to do this life alone. I don’t want to be considered the strong one anymore. The word resilience really isn’t a flex. I hear that word often when people describe me. It’s like acknowledging I took the hits & kept getting up, just to be hit again. Y’all, that’s a cycle that isn’t cycling up in here. I’m good lol.
In 2015, the day my mother left the physical world, the energy of the house felt different. I can’t describe it, but it was suddenly freezing. I felt a presence in the room before she transitioned. I truly tried to shake it off until my children shared that they felt the same energy. All of us had the same dream of a dark entity. It creeped us out, y’all. We had just moved to Staten Island. My son was enrolled at a JHS I hated & still can’t stand. My firstborn said, yeah no, I’m not going to HS out here. At first, I was like yeah, ok. Then I felt that she deserved to stay at her HS. She earned that. Last year of HS, it wasn’t time to leave. That was too much to handle in light of everything. When she graduated, I cried in the bathroom that night. I was so proud of her. She beat the odds & headed straight to college like a BAWSE. For a few years, she attended a college on Staten Island that many people know. She’s not there anymore, thank goodness. I would pick her up & drop her off at the college because the vibes were CREEPY. That damn college campus is haunted. I’m not looking it up because I will move, expeditiously. So, yeah, super happy she left. I wanted her safe on that campus. I was also happy she had the college experience. She realized it was ghetto before I could warn her. Her sixth sense was sensing too. Thank you, Jesus.
From there, things got better. In 2021, it was my firstborn who encouraged me to get tf out of my job. Chile, I hated that place. My manager & I got into it all the time. She criticized my work, I criticized her leadership skills. She called out my metrics, I called out the organization’s unethical practices. We were actually very close on a personal level. She would hold a meeting with our department & I’d blaze through that. Introductions of new staff? Way too often. I told people I was only there until I hit the lotto. They were laughing. I was serious.
During my year-end review, she asked if I wanted a leadership position. I said, no thank you, I’m allergic. My manager shared that I didn’t seem happy. She tried her best to get me to stay. Offered me the opportunity to work with the maternal health side. I left. Happily. Trust me, I had a resignation letter on file for a minute. I was doing everyone’s work lol. I flew through my work, led the team, washed my windows, did jumping jacks at my desk. I was absolutely obnoxious.
Then I met the concept of a doula. I said TAKE ME THROUGH THERE. And through there I went.
My first doula training program was hood. They taught us the sales funnel strategy. Post on social media 50,000 times a day. Be genuine but lie. Charge your worth and start your business. Then bye. We’re in another state doing the same thing, so don’t contact us. But contact us per our website so we can take more of your money.
I left certified in What TF Do I Do Now.
I’m looking at everyone, they’re looking at me. Great. I didn’t share that I was a nurse because I was told it wasn’t relevant. I believed it. My confidence was at zero. It was easy for me to look down on myself; I did it my entire life. Many, many women don’t see themselves as anything special because that was what they were told. Probably by someone they loved. Women feel invisible. So, the invisible women go on as doulas to support other women who feel invisible. The beautiful thing is, we see each other’s power. The invisibility cloak disappears when our relationship flourishes. Their partners get more excited than the expectant women do when they learn about our bodies. It’s amazing. That red thread of fate just ties us all together so beautifully that it’s hard to believe this is considered ‘work’. Supporting birth is my therapy. Loving people unconditionally and receiving that same love in return actually moves me to tears.
I haven’t updated my client testimonials for that reason. I don’t feel right sharing their words publicly. Reading that someone considers me a gift from God actually blows my mind. That is the translation of my first name. I have a vault of testimonies that won’t be shared. That was a decision I made two years ago.
One concept I bring forward with the doulas I mentor is embodiment. Like, cut it out and step into this yummy goodness you were destined to experience.
Just like expectant families, birthworkers need love too. They are the first ones we should pour into. Without that, they begin to feel invisible, too. That’s unacceptable. Write that into your contracts!
Many doulas share that they feel like imposters. This is what I felt myself, but remove the label of ‘doula’ & replace it with nurturer. A nurturer is what we are. Are we imposters in that context? No.
For the people who aren’t nurturing & come in here for money? They’re the imposters. Let them hold that imposter syndrome. You’re good.
Hospitals & medical providers will make you feel less than. Fortunately, this doesn’t happen frequently, but if it does, tap into people you trust & report them. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, it’s understandable. There are anonymous ways to report hospitals that bully doulas & make them feel like outsiders. Non-medical providers is what medical providers like to push forward.
It doesn’t matter. Our clients choose us and pay money to have us there. We are an integral part of the care team & the very people who help lower maternal health disparities. That will make us enemy number ONE. We have the ability to unravel the damage they’ve caused. If medical providers had a handle on their practice, these health disparities wouldn’t exist. In essence, they don’t like that we do what they can’t. Not our circus nor our monkeys. We are well versed in the unfolding of birth. We remain with our families long after they’re discharged from the hospital. We have a more intimate relationship. That makes us a threat. Trust me.
Going forward, step into your passion & don’t worry about what anyone says. Look at it as them projecting their own insecurities onto you. Focus on your family & introduce yourself to staff the moment you step onto the unit. Make your presence known. Nurses are our family, not our enemy. If a nurse is treating a doula unfairly? Ask for another nurse. My families play no games. After they take my classes, they turn the hell up LOL. I’m like damn, who taught them that?
My laboring clients turn into Storm from X-Men. They go so deep into themselves during contractions that it really impresses me. I could NEVER. They also tell their partners to stfu if they do too much. I’m snickering in the corner trying not to laugh hysterically. One client wanted to give birth in the squat position & her provider (another woman) said she thought that wasn’t a good idea. Well, too late. My good sis was squatting & told someone to hurry up & get that squat bar. The doctor scrambled to find it. The nurse grabbed it and installed it in two seconds.
It’s our body. Being told what to do throughout labor is annoying. Nothing will be wrong, but some healthcare providers will make an excuse to protect themselves. Let’s be for real.
In supporting birth, doula training programs should be inclusive of a myriad of topics. Hip squeezes are great, but what about the laboring person who doesn’t want to be touched? Starting a business overnight is wonderful, but who will teach you the ins and outs of making sure it’s sustainable for years? A quick business setup can be a detriment to long-term sustainability. Stay woke.
Pick your doula training program like you’d pick a spouse. Find a delicious program that makes you super excited. Head over to social media and peep other people’s experiences. Watch out for the owners who cosign their own programs but act like they aren’t the owners. Girl bye.
Watch for the doula training programs that use images of BIPOC people on social media but have zero BIPOC representation within their organization. BIPOC families are ‘trendy’. Lord be a fence. My first doula training program caught me in their web for that reason. We aren’t a trending search keyword, aka SEO.
We are CEOs though. The P stands for PASSION over here, not paycheck.
So, that’s that for now. Be mindful that birth might be more of a spiritual experience than one that meets logic. I brought up haunted spaces in the beginning of this blog. On 10/10/2026, it was the sixth monthiversary of my Spinning Babies class. The resort is haunted. I was not playing that game & I begged to go home every day. Women in the class shared stories of being touched, pushed, and scratched by an entity that sounded like a man.
Well, I think tf not. I felt some things & saw some things during that vacation that convinced me we walked into one of the most intense portals I’ve experienced. We all have stories. Our lives have changed in ways that we never imagined. We are all sitting here like what the entire hell was that. I still speak to my friends. The ones who mean the world to me will never go anywhere. My girlala, my greatest teacher, told me I was chosen by her. I won’t blow her up, but I purposely took the class she was teaching. I applied for the BIPOC scholarship for another class & didn’t get it. For the second round, I kicked in the door waving my second application like yerrrrrrrr. The second round, I got it! I almost did backflips, but I needed to be realistic that maybe that wouldn’t end well. My instructor said when she saw MY name, she instantly said, “YUP, THAT’S HER.”
To be chosen by name alone is incredible. To hear that on the day that represented our sixth-month anniversary? Very interesting.
I’m finally beginning to realize just how much happier I’ve become since I stopped trying to live by rules that never truly felt like mine.
Being a doula, birthkeeper actually, required me to show up in ways that I didn’t want to. Staying in the shadows has always been more comfortable for me. Being the BTS person, that is my happy place. Being seen by the world isn’t necessary to me. Focusing on marketing while there’s so much work to be done is truly unrealistic. Embodying concepts that you did not create is a sin when you already command the room. When you’ll be remembered for the rest of your life. Families will speak your name into their legacy. Their babies will carry your memory for decades to come. You are that person people dream of. Please understand your power as you continue or step into this ‘work’. Love lives here & you, of all people, deserve to receive that love readily.
As we move forward through the last quarter of the year, consider what you bring into the world. What makes you the happiest? What does sustainability mean to you? Please know that livable wages got tossed out the window by me last year. Thrivable wages & vacations have been entered into our framework. Share your story, all its beauty & pain. That duality exists in this space & it’s yours to relish in.
For the copy & paste birthworkers, I’m not sure why you’d still be here. My bawse doulas, please protect your work. The copy & pasters have stolen & sold people’s content. It’s ok, it was outdated anyway :)
With love,
A doula who believes in you.