Our Silver Lining

These topics are so heavy but necessary for our healing. This is for everyone.

First, 9/11 will always be complicated for those of us who experienced it. Grief remembers dates even when we wish our bodies would forget them.

Lately, I’ve also been thinking about how often women’s pain becomes the footnote while everybody else’s interpretation becomes the headline. I’m fucking over toxic ass “men.” Little boys who mask their trauma and parade around as men. It seems like they are growing in number, their response has grown more violent and it’s everywhere. In professional spaces and at home.

Going through trauma at a young age is not their fault. Seeing how they treat women like shit and carry that into each and every relationship? Those days are over. There are such great men out there who give women the space to be soft, safe, and unconditionally loved. Just all the things we imagined when we were little, when life was supposed to be safe. For many of us, some of our heaviest traumas were experienced as young children. That one thought had me crying for months. “Men are predators.” I still can’t believe I heard those words spoken to me. I never knew about being a pre-eclampsia survivor. I had no idea supporting birth would drag me to the depths of my own long-term medical neglect hell. Holding space repeatedly for birth traumas broke me down worse than I ever could imagine. It’s not my birth, but I wish I had the power to take their pain away.

Boys/men are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I truly apologize that I even need to write this. I’m tired of carrying masculine energy to go up against overinflated egos. It made me step away from the thing I love the most, attending births. I’m so grateful for the last two births I attended on 5/5/26.

The OB/GYN, NYC Parents, anesthesiologists, and doula subreddit groups like to get turnt when they think no one is looking. Anonymous cowards, give them room and they will air themselves out. I’m taking a break from stomping them out. I encourage all of you to take my place.

We can’t all sit on our asses and expect change. Treat women with respect and watch how quickly things change. Having a woman as president could change the world.

I’m grieving so much all at once. People know that and still attempt to stomp me down. Now 23-year-olds are oversexualizing me, that’s not a flex. I’ve never been more than a pretty face and nice body to many. My credentials or income didn’t save me from all that I endured. I despise flowers, but they always make their way to me. I love cards, but the words, if they’re there, hold no meaning. Not anymore. So, without further ado about nothing…

This go around, the revolution will not be televised. I’m repeating this sentiment again. Do NOT play with women. Read your Bible and find out why. Look up the Shadow Pandemic. Please be mindful that these are painful realities all over the world. COVID-19 emerged in 2019, and seven long years later, we are still living with its consequences. Seven long years of men fumbling the bag on women and men. Women always seem to endure the most and get the least.

Good men, stay. You guys smell like safety, warmth, love, trips to Italy, and balcony seggs. Don’t you dare go ANYWHERE TF. Please talk to your brothers. We’ll be handling things ourselves from here on out. Wakanda Forever energy only.

The Clancy mistrial brought these swirling thoughts home again yesterday. I was livid, that snapped me out of whatever fever dream I was living in. I slammed my laptop shut. This country is run by a bunch of hateful dicks, corrupt, corporate bullies, power-hungry misogynists & undereducated boys who like to defile women’s bodies and lives. Bring your mama here so I can do the same to her.

Your mother is sacred, but women who don’t want you are bitches. Sorry, crazy bitches. How sway? Can’t spell amygdala but want to judge involuntary nervous system responses. Just throw the whole dude away, fr.

Postpartum psychiatric illness deserves serious clinical understanding, not people screaming “crazy” and recruiting everybody around them into their ignorance. This is not a group project, homeboy.

Personally, I (AJ), refuse to be loud and wrong about women’s health when women have already paid such an extraordinary price for what medicine, institutions, and society failed to understand about us. I know personally what it feels like to have someone use that word whenever it becomes convenient. Hold up the mirror to them, and they run away, as they should. People that feel guilty tend to run away.

For the women in the BACK: Why would you listen to me over a doctor with extensive training? Idk, that’s for you to determine. If you want a doctor who slut-shames nurses for not sleeping with them, go off. Go off with the opps, I mean. Just go.

Childhood trauma matters so much more than what is shared, unhealed wounds matter, and what happened to US will always matter. Healing requires learning what belongs to us instead of handing somebody else our pain. I’ve spent enough years explaining, proving, checking on people who hurt me, and wondering why. My big heart is tired. My soul is tired.

The work remembers me. The way I poured unconditionally? That’s me. The people who were there remember me. I remember me. I’m closing those chapters now, I don’t need anybody from them to help me write the ending. Lack of accountability is a full stop. Silence? Game over. I’ll go on mute like Beyoncé is standing right next to me.

September 24th is my mommy’s day. This Sagittarius would absolutely not want me sitting around sad when we could be turnt the fuck up. I want to celebrate my mom this year. Maybe I’ll be brave enough to buy a cake. Or just one rose. Maybe this year I’ve cried enough tears that they won’t flow down my face in complete devastation. The strong ones get treated like a distant memory. I don’t wish to be strong anymore. I’m Anjanette. I would love to meet her in all her unhinged femininity.

Freddie Mercury, THEE legendary lead singer and songwriter of Queen, would have turned 80 this September. Nearly 35 years after his death, his music still lives on. Bohemian Rhapsody and We Are the Champions (my friends), remains part of his extraordinary and equally phenomenal legacy. His closest friend and former partner, Mary Austin, is honoring him with a new book, Freddie Mercury: A Life in Lyrics, filled with handwritten lyrics, photographs, and memories of the man she knew for so long.

I only want to be around safe people, bonfires, free and loud laughter, tears - lots of them - love, music, Birth & Beyond, NYC growing into its next chapter, and a very long life in which my effervescence never has to shrink again. The work is done, now I get to live. I will take my grief offline, but I will be back when I feel strong enough to be a birthkeeper again. This one hurts. Really fucking hurts.

Those words took so much energy from me. I don’t want to leave this on a bad note. Within the past few weeks, my people (all people-sans raggedy ones) have been on cloud nine. For a moment, I would expect a shoe to be whizzing past my head.

It brings so much joy to my heart to see so many women smiling, laughing, just returning back to their bodies after the longest moment of darkness. We have made it out of the darkness never to return to it again. This month I will take moments to close my eyes and finally breathe. Pause. Center myself. This is a big gift for me as a healthcare professional. I’m grateful to everyone that supported my journey here. There are no words to explain how much you mean to me.

I’ll catch typos another time. The haunted Elms Resort in Kansas City? Count your days! My fellow birthkeepers and I must’ve walked through the wrong portal.

I plead the fifth and blame my roomie :) I have met the best humans on the planet in such a short time. No more cursing in cursive. It’s time to fully surrender.

Expanding Midwifery care in NYS

Momnibus

#WeDeserveBirthCenters

Currently there is only one accredited birthing center in New York City

Birthing Center NYC, located on 840 Lefferts Avenue, BK NY 11203
There are 0 BIPOC, Midwifery-led Birth Centers in NYS

Please stand with us as we expand access for BIPOC expectant families to culturally responsive, midwifery-led birth center care across New York State. The following birth centers are coming soon:

Below is a playlist that I’ll provide a link for soon. For now, some songs for you.

I pray women across the world feel safe, loved and experience softness in a way that takes away the hurt. You are loved, deeply and immensely.

GET LIKE US: OPERATION PURRR™

Queen - We Are the Champions
Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
The Notorious B.I.G. ft. Method Man - The What
New Edition - If It Isn’t Love
Mobb Deep ft. Lil’ Kim - Quiet Storm
Craig Mack - Flava In Ya Ear
Nicki Minaj, Drake & Lil Wayne - No Frauds
Lubiana ft. Gaël Faye - Farafina Mousso
Jodeci - Love U 4 Life
Lauryn Hill - Doo Wop (That Thing)
Kanye West - Fade
Evanescence ft. Paul McCoy - Bring Me to Life
Evanescence - My Immortal
Evanescence - Call Me When You’re Sober
Chris Brown – Residuals
Chris Brown - Under The Influence
Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit
Lady Gaga ft. Beyoncé - Telephone
Aerosmith - I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing
Tevin Campbell - Can We Talk
Nipsey Hussle - The Marathon Continues | Crenshaw Hustle & West Coast Legacy
Nicki Minaj ft. Drake, Lil Wayne & Chris Brown – Only
LL COOL J - Doin' It
Victory Lap (HIM) - Fat Joe, Jadakiss, Yung Miami
Rihanna -Love On The Brain
Rihanna - Russian Roulette
Rihanna - Diamonds
Adina Howard - Freak Like Me
Britney Spears - I'm A Slave 4 U
Doja Cat - Woman
Luther Vandross - Here and Now
Lubiana - Ancestors
Ludacris - Area Codes
Sisqo - Thong Song
Lovers And Friends-Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz, featuring Usher & Ludacris
Usher-Good Kisser
Justin Bieber - Love Yourself (PURPOSE: The Movement)

#24 I know there were nurses twerking somewhere in that crowd. Nurses and NYPD go hand in hand. Thank you for all that you do.