So many reasons to smile…
Fall is a reminder that change is beautiful :)
Breast cancer awareness is difficult for me to talk about now, but I still encourage everyone that has breast tissue (yup men I’m looking at you tf) to continue their self-exams. YouTube University can help guide you. Mammograms once per year, please research this information. Early detection is life saving. I did all my stuff months ago. Trust me the tech was talking about my girls like they were the best thing she saw. The technicians that do mammograms are super friendly & make the experience feel safe. I was shaking my tatas all day after that. Shimmy shimmied until I tripped over something & it knocked the shimmy right out of me.
Please remember how important you are to us & make October your day to indulge in self-care. To my survivors, I love you so much that it’s difficult to even get the words out. Working oncology taught me so much. You’re our heroes. Your courage & bravery will forever inspire others. Your story is our story; we are all one.
Hello, my name is Anjanette & I have/had $%^& shingles. This is my October diary entry. It’s not Jess, but life sounds real Messy. Actually, I had it? I’m so confused. I was itchy on Sunday & felt like I had COVID. I saw the rash a few days ago (just typing this is making me sick, idk I can deal with bodily fluids, but a rash, no thank you). The rash has moved into post-inflammatory phase already-so I’m not contagious, but the rash is still itchy as all hell & my nerves feel like a lightshow & I don’t like it here, grandpa.
Oh, those vaccinations are finna see me. Never again.
I think what has helped is I’ve been topless. The doctor asked if I was a member of X-Men, they couldn’t believe I zoomed through shingles. I wasn’t laughing. If reading about boobs bothers you, please see yourself out now because it definitely gets worse. I accidently flashed someone I gave birth to and they were absolutely mortified. I told them if you don’t want to see boobs, please do not enter. I ushered the cats out of my room, repeatedly. Thing 1 & Thing 2 are meowing at me loudly like I did something wrong. I have barricaded the door. The biscuits on the boobs is not going down right now.
I may have partaken in some new piercings. Which, WOW, that’s all I will say.
No, I won’t, I yelled French toast sticks with the first one. I tried to take it like a G but, bump that. I paced the room trying to gather myself together. My good sis Ruthie said the second one hurts more. Ruthie is going to light me up like a Christmas tree (already happening y’all) because the first one hurt more, that means I was shingly without a rash at that time. A gentleman named Justin was in the other room. I promise you I spun around like my son is here? when she greeted him. Yet another Justin. I’ve met 12 Justin’s & a ridiculous number of Daniel’s this summer. I keep saying I feel like I’m having one long fever dream, but that’s all that makes sense sometimes.
The second one was light work. I clapped my hands together & said GOODBYE.
per internal management, fall vibes only
I’m so happy it’s the fall. I love the Harvest Moon festival. I can’t stand pumpkin latte smells. I’m praying Starbucks doesn’t have that smell coming out of its store. Or Bath & Body Works, it’s too much. But even the energy around us feels lighter. I love the different colors of the leaves on our massive trees. The coolness of the air, just everything fascinates me this time of year. The ability to start anew is in our orbit. The ability to get knocked out by karma is also in other people’s orbit. Not our circus or our monkeys.
For birthkeepers, this is our annual season of renewal. We know this time of the year well. It’s our gift for holding space for families across the world. Please take this time for yourself.
Everyone that breathes life into our universe, take your behind somewhere and sit down. No more doing for others. It’s your turn to nourish and love yourself. Please allow others to pour into you. Life is not a solo act. It’s a collective one. Even two people can change the world together.
If you’ve read this already somewhere, please know I tend to repeat myself in blogs if there’s a connection I need to make. I don’t assume people are going to read through every one of my blogs. Please don’t do that, there’s nothing to see, trust me lol. There’s plenty to see, but we will move alone as my back is sizzling like morning bacon. I would love to throw something across the room atp.
not shingles y’all
How did this happen, you ask? You didn’t, but I wanted to share anyway because I am not having a good time at ALL.
Stress weakened my immune system. When your body is under stress for too long, your immune system may have a harder time keeping certain viruses under control. Viruses that stay dormant in the body, like herpes viruses, can become active again and cause symptoms. I mentioned the herpes virus, don’t look at me. I actually had chickenpox. I remember my mother forcing me to play with my brother in the first grade. I was looking at her crazy because she shoved us in the room and sprayed Lysol in our direction. Chile. When I saw my brother itching himself raw, I just knew I was in trouble. When I had a fever days later, my mom happily trotted us right to the pediatrician. Proudly shared that she had myself and Sir Itchykins in a room together so I could catch it.
Great.
Only my version of chickenpox was way worse. My fever was way too high. I remember waking up to my mom trying to use the rectal thermometer on me. I never jumped out of the bed so fast. I squinted and asked, “Toto?”
“No, silly,” my mother said. “I was trying to take your temperature.” I said no thank you. I prefer the oral one LOL. Do you see what I had to go through? My mom said she used Vaseline for the rectal thermometer. MA’AM. I said NO.
My mom was the one who ratted me out to the doctor after she found me at one of my daily tea parties with my stuffies & my friend. I was talking and laughing with this friend until my mother ruined everything by standing in the door looking at me, mortified. “Who are you talking to?” my mother asked. I rolled my eyes. “Your Aunt Annie?” I didn’t understand why she was asking me that. I went back to my tea party when my mother interrupted me again. “Aunt Annie passed away before you were born.” My eyes widened in horror. No more Aunt Annie tea parties for me, ladies & gentlemen. I am not about that life. My mother took me straight over to the doctor, and I officially started therapy soon after. I was livid at the time; now I’m grateful. I can’t tell you how much my mommy saved my life. How do I even begin to thank her?
birth in the city means sex in the city
Can we end the era of calling it chickenpops? Let’s take down Valentime’s Day. I love that day, I love red, and I throw hands lol. I don’t, but it sounds nice. I will place my loved ones in a chokehold and threaten them not to tell anyone. They are free to do the same with me. I like it rough. If your mind went somewhere else, that’s a YOU issue. And a ME issue because I actually do. Idgaf :)
Please know half the time I’m crying laughing while writing these blogs. I told ALL my friends that it was Slutty Smurf season; they shall govern themselves accordingly.
That just means be fluid in who you are. If you like to grind on people who are ok with that, do it. A little mid-day sex? GET YOURS tf. We’re grown. Stop worrying about people; they need to worry about themselves. Nobody is perfect. We have full authority over our bodies and ourselves.
I will pause & say this, this isn’t an invitation to give out magic conch shell or peen like Skittles. If you like to mess around, you will find out.
It makes me sad that all my friends are afraid to date. I’m not feeling it either, trust me. “Hey, Light skin.” I’ll send dude to Alcatraz. I was on TikTok for all of 12 days. Men were already in my inbox like, “Hey beautiful, u single?” Child, delete. Goodness. I can’t stand social media for that. People are still on there arguing, but at an insane level now. Just tired of all the relationship advice that leaves me feeling worse. I deleted my account completely and went on my way.
the audacity is real
TikTok felt like everyone in the world was in one room. Men & women have been so disappointing this year. Super aggressive & self-centered. I called down to a NYPD precinct to ask a question. I was not in the greatest space, which is why I called down there to begin with. This guy answers, I tell him what I need & this person says, “It sounds like you need a little R&R at the hospital.” He then tells me to do things we already did. I said excuse me “sir” what did you say? Well per usual overly aggressive fashion in the sign of overinflated ego, he started foaming at the mouth like a Chihuahua. He offered to transfer me, but refused to, just kept yelling saying I was arguing? I had question marks over my head. Bruh, I was sitting on my bed like wth is going on with people. Man, he hung up on me. I went from bed to car & hightailed it up the stairs of the precinct. A man was walking in with me as we got to the entrance, I asked him what he was in for lol. I started laughing immediately when he told me, he asked me the same. I shared with him what happened. His eyes were like Girl. Girl?
Chihuahua got up and got to yapping. This is so common and its disgusting behavior that would’ve had myself and/or my coworkers calling the penthouse suite. That’s upper management. They would’ve rode him like a pack mule. Aggression, lying, avoidant behavior (ghosting), being easily offended, crashing out, getting violent, substance abuse- that’s a whole pandemic. Nothing surprises me anymore, but who tf did you think you were talking to. I did, ride him like a pack mule. Per internal management. Tf.
That’s why I keep saying to people, check this behavior. It’s not about a gun fight. Not everything even goes that way. All that is an intimidation tactic of a fragile ego, clock it and have it removed.
He was talking about he didn’t have to say sorry to me because this was HIS HOUSE. Ah, there it is playa playa. Correction “sir” this is the taxpayers HOUSE. We don’t let emotionally or verbally abusers in OUR house. I asked him if he paid rent to live there. He declined to answer. Good. I did mention him & his mother in there, but the energy you put out is the energy that comes right back to you. Only he didn’t expect a woman to check him. I didn’t expect to be treated that way.
why me though
I had a reading with my dude, Padrino, a few years back. I love him and miss him so much. He told me that I was spiritual candy. I looked at him like, oh no, no, no, no. He said yes, yes, yes. He spilled MAJOR tea. Even I was like, wow. First, I was meant to be a gypsy, not tied to one place. That hit heavy because I was looking into dual citizenship in Mexico or anywhere not here. Next, he said I lived many lifetimes before, and I was with the same people who are in this one. I didn’t ask about that. My kids are my world; I knew he meant them. He told me I had a husband or would have a husband. I told him I had one, NEXT. He said that I should be very intentional with who I’m around; people are infatuated with me, and they will leech on my energy for their gain. I said that happened already, so I’m good! Not too long ago, I found out people thought all I was-me, AJ-was a pretty face. I’m looking in the mirror & I’m not seeing wth people are talking about. I was told that’s all men want from me. Oh, ok, so five men proposed to me and tried to marry me but that’s the reason. Please go talk to them because that sounds like they need to be spoken to. I have zero engagement rings in my possession. I like to give them back when the answer is no. Or HELL NO, if you will.
Finally, he said my father and mother are behind me. No, for real, I looked behind me. I didn’t see anything. This was the first time I heard that after my mother’s death. Later, the people who attended reviewed the video footage. You could see two rays of light moving from the back of the room, coming directly to me. I rewatched that footage 100x. I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t believe I missed it.
It’s gettin’ hot in here
The news right now tells a story of the Book of Revelation. Karma is sweeping the block. Y’all better cut it out before The Messiah pulls up. Christa Pike slept through her what? Oh, say less.
She’s been protected for a reason, more than likely she is a victim of child abuse. The two people she went after would be here today if the United States centered people as much as it does profit. Blame them & remove them, immediately.
The Pledge of Allegiance was amended when President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed into law the addition of “under God” in 1954: “One Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”
Staten Island Family
The only story I will acknowledge is Pete Davidson (SI gang gang!!!) stating that his career mattered less after becoming a dad. 32 years old, born Nov. 16, 1993? I had no idea he was a damn Scorpio too! IKTR!!! I just told some Gen Z friends that they need to retire by 32 years old. Entrepreneurship & a free-moving second income? Oh yeah. Y’all got this.
GENERATION Z LET’S GOOOOOO!!! Please show Gen X how it’s done. They think they need to be a multi-millionaire to retire. Incorrect. Absolutely incorrect. Stop worrying about bills. Watch how your life changes. I touched on so much of this in this space. Dream Big & put in the work ETHICALLY.
Unethical b-words? You’re not included. See you in 90 years. Or not. That’s a very long prison sentence, imo, of course. I cannot stand corrupt people who act like they’re down with the collective. We can see you, but we’re not looking anymore.
NYPD, EMS, FDNY-it was litty in the city. How are all of them so cool, but on the nursing side I have to deal with these mother b-words? Tf. Hateful ho-oh no, my bad lol. My bad. Not my bad, but you know what I’m saying. They like to get knuck for no reason; just call me buck because I used to eat them alive on my shift & spit them out because yuck. Morning shift, the horrific shift as well-nope, not I. Working around administrators? I would’ve been fired within 2 hours of my shift. Turn up team all day, my day shifts used to be torture, being under a microscope is too much. I still want a lab coat with my name on it LOL. IDC.
Lord why are we like this?
I miss science lab with the goggles. It felt like Harry Potter in there. Someone stuck their lead-point pencil in the electrical outlet in lab one day. She instantly had a puff of smoke around her. I was laughing so hard that I sat shaking in my chair, trying so hard not to let sound escape from my lips. Unfortunately, that ended the minute I saw the student’s bewildered look. I started spit laughing. This is one thing about me: keeping laughter in is not my strongest attribute (my smile is lol). This is why my daughter & I couldn’t or shouldn’t be in the same room or car or at an event together. She inherited this trait from me & her father. It was inevitable. She always sets me off because she goes straight into spit laughing, or she turns her head in the other direction, which doesn’t help either. When Toys “R” Us existed, we would run straight to the hula hoops, do that for a minute, then ride bikes. My son is identical in that way. I race him to the swings, swinging way higher than anyone on this planet (competition accepted). The issue is I get so high that I’m surprised I haven’t flipped around. There will be no swings in my future if that ever happens. I don’t like that tummy feeling that comes with heights. Free Fall at Great Adventure? I went with a cousin that I adore; he is LIT AF. This dude put quarters on his knees after we locked into our safety belts. He said, “Watch them float.” I declined. I was trying to remain conscious because just the height alone had me SHOOKETH. Now he’s about that life. He was excited & I closed my eyes, praying to Go-free fall is what happened. It felt like my soul was suspended midair. As soon as we were off the ride? I started swinging on him. I chased him down in that park until he ran out of breath. I wanted to put him in a chokehold, but at 6 feet tall, there was no way I could & there was nothing to stand on.
Count your days, cousin!!! I owe you a lil two-piece, friend!! Lol.
Mind Blown
Quite a few doulas that I have known since I entered the battle zone of the doulaverse are having their biggest year to date. We aren’t Greek or servants, so years ago we dropped “doula” and transitioned into our birthkeeper era. Doulas tend to use the term doula as it’s a “trendy” word in digital spaces. I was the first to say mother bump that. I was under a year in the doula world, it was ghetto on the side I was on back then. The sage stick was annoying, saging myself upon entry & exit of this particular doula’s studio had me feeling like NO.
This veteran doula had a doula training that was not a doula training. It was photo op central. The first day I met the doula group, a videographer was walking around this small basement with his camera. He was getting on my last nerve, it was so distracting to be recorded while maintaining an intimate conversation.
The doula told me in front of everyone that I had to sacrifice like the other veteran doulas did. I had some nerve thinking I could be a doula just because I am a registered nurse. How dare I?
I don’t follow the struggle and sacrifice framework that’s taught in the revolving door doula training programs. I call them Cash Collectors. She was projecting her vision onto her students. This is why I tell my people to stay away from things that do not sit right with them. Establishing yourself takes time. Raw dogging entrepreneurship is wild. Imagine stepping out of doula training like hey everyone, I opened my own business, I’m looking for clients & I don’t know what I’m doing but I’ll squeeze your hips boo. No, ma’am. NO Ma’am. Get over here, please. That game, we do not play.
The Saga continues
At the end of the “training” we went to Philly. The area looked and felt like the Blair Witch Project. I was looking at this home like this heaux is haunted af. Another photographer was hired that kept taking pics of me while I was crying. I gave him a dirty look and he smiled. The group actually had a beautiful conversation that left me super emotional. The photographer told me how beautiful I was. In that moment I just wanted to be Anjanette. Hearing that I’m beautiful when I peeped homeboy looking at this Nigerian booty really irritated me.
Shortly after, I remember sitting on the couch reading a book and minding my business. Homeboy walked down the stairs to the first floor. He fell down a full flight of steps & I sat in silence laughing, trying not to look at him. My silent laugh paused as I tried to compose myself, asking if he was ok. He looked embarrassed & rushed into the kitchen. I ran upstairs to the room I was staying in. My roommate was on the lower bunk scrolling through her phone. I hurriedly closed the door behind me & started laughing so hard that I had to sit on the floor because I was weeeeeeeeeeeeeeak.
The doula was looking at me like I was crazy, then started laughing hysterically when she found out why I was sliding down the wall. Karma sweeps the block quickly. A couple of years later I attended a show that the photographer was present for. I met his girlfriend that day. They’d been to together for a ridiculous number of years. During that event, the photographer took pics as I sat watching the show. I gave him the finger and smiled; he lowered his camera with the quickness. I don’t care for pass around men. I will pass dude around to the garbage bin. Some men act like a woman is theirs to oversexualize. Every single relationship I was in, the man of the relationship would tell me to get used to them looking women up & down. But if I sneezed in the direction of another man, it was an issue. Yes, they went through my phone telling me who I couldn’t talk to. Reading my texts as I slept between shifts at the hospital. Very secure men, right?
I got used to leaving. They got used to writing me emails about how much they missed me. We are not the same. They like to dip their feet into the kiddie pool, dating women that were young enough to be their children. As for me, once I turned 32 years old? I was considered old because I already had two children. Oddly enough, I was a registered nurse at that time. I graduated nursing school at 31 years old. Being called a cougar at that age was wild. But I imagined being a cougar because my ‘get tf’ genes were strong. One minute I’d be there, the next minute? I was gone. Poof. Just like a cougar.
Men stepping into a birthkeepers space don’t know we get turnt. It’s ok, eventually they’ll find out.
Come through attunement
On that trip I continued to cry as I was attuned as a Reiki I practitioner. The attunement ceremony was perfect, we sat around a fire which is one of my favorite things. When our Reiki Master attuned me, it felt like she completely cleared the heaviness out of my aura. I might’ve told someone that attended the ceremony something, which I still believe today. I shared that this (enter name of lady parts) was attuned af & I was sparkling like a colorless diamond. She was hysterical every time I mentioned this & adopted it herself.
I am so incredibly proud of the birthkeepers that stayed true to this work. Work is such a strange word to call it, because it doesn’t feel like work. We all started around the same time, my people are celebrating their fifth year in the game!!! I was certified December 2001 but started my business in May 2022. This journey rocked our world something awful, this is why I snatch my new doulas up like, sis get in here, the tea is hot and the doulaverse is not.
These now young veteran birthkeepers & my people that I worked alongside as their mentor? They are walking into their first six-figure year. I’m like GAHT-damn. This makes me so incredibly happy, we all considered walking away from the doulaverse because life is harder in our world when you’re BIPOC royalty.
The gag is, now it’s not. Just like that poof. Threat removed, the Global Majority kicked the door off its hinges. No warning. I just saw the door whizzing past my head. I ducked and smiled. It’s our turn baby. Flipping tables is our specialty. They are frontline, I’m BTS snickering at how they play no games. The doctors are shooketh. The nurses cheer for us. They love us down!! I love it here.
If you’re happy & you know it, get the hell out of our face
Now that we are litty in the city, people want some of this. We don’t speak english, ok.
*Clears throat in English
I was released from a job that I loved but didn’t feel safe in. I was tired of being discarded by people, places & things like I had no feelings. Like I didn’t deserve basic respect. The last birth I attended was on May 5, 2026. Actually, two births took place that day. The first birth? I felt like my soul became the grandest of all Matriarchs. Mom was in the birth tub, I could see she couldn’t get comfortable, her screaming vibrated through my body. I sat on my knees near the tub & caught her from banging her head on the wall! My girl was in the last stage of labor. Idk how to explain it but I can tell which stage of labor someone is in, even by text. I have no idea y’all, I just go with it.
I held mom in my arms and rocked her. Her body surrendered within a few moments, she started crying and that’s when I looked down at her & she was completely outside of her body, eyes blank, just peaceful and quiet. Her baby emerged seconds later. Her husband started crying. He was sitting next to me holding her hand, softly saying how beautiful she was. I wanted to cry because their energy filled the room with love. Baby was placed on mommy’s chest, that’s when I stepped away to clean up the room & give the holy trinity their moment. Mom said she’d never forget looking into my eyes. That shocked me because she felt miles away, where safety feels so welcoming. Out of body birth experiences are real & the norm for us. Being tethered in such a beautiful space, there’s absolutely nothing like it. Holding women the way I wish I was held also saved my life. Not that I planned on leaving, but emotional anguish is so real. Healthcare professionals shouldn’t swallow their hurt to appeal to the masses. The masses do illegal & prescription drugs, so that’s that.
I’m a legal drug dealer btw. I couldn’t stand being the charge nurse, or the narcotics key holder. Not the friend of Viagra in the narcotics cabinet LOL. I took the keys home by accident & found myself right back at work wishing my brain worked properly. At the end of the shift, all I saw were my kids, nothing else mattered. 12-hour shifts turned into 14-16 hour shifts after a code or a fall on our unit. When I did something wrong I admitted it. Imagine sitting at work for an extra 2 hours because the “We run ish” crew was caught stealing narcs.
Nah, my friends/coworkers went home immediately. The ops stayed for 2 extra hours. We had coffee at Barnes & Noble, laughing until my uterus almost prolapsed.
Birthing Center story continued, I returned home & kicked my Crocs off the minute I walked into the living room. An hour later, I was called in for a second birth. The same day. I was HEATED. I was on call at the birthing center so back to the center I went. Punching the air. Birth assistant vs doula? I’ll talk about that offline.
the birth of a lifetime
The couple of the second birth were powerhouses. Mom, goodness, a force of a woman. She had to be six feet tall, gorgeous presence that just caught me by surprise for some reason. The way she labored looked identical to how I did. Quiet, head down, swaying side to side. Don’t Touch Me protocol initiated. If she didn’t want something done, she said no. I was weeeeak when she ripped the blood pressure cuff off her arm and threw it across the room. I sat with her just present without all the touchy touchy nonsense. Hip squeezes? I would have been Hulk smashed, respectfully. I sat with her while she was in the shower. I gave her space as she seemed to be in the last stage of labor, very quickly I might add. MY good sis, Queen of the Queens, returned back to the bed and birthed her baby within a snap of a finger.
Our body will tell us what to do during labor, we just need the space to experience that in a way that feels comfortable to us.
Turned out that May 5, 2026 is the Jewish holiday is Lag BaOmer, a festive day marking the end of the 49 day Omer count and the anniversary of the passing of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai.
Mommy is black, Dad is white. Both are Jewish. You can see my beautiful client’s testimony on Brooklyn Birthing Center’s google profile. Her name is Shoshana Hahn, such an incredibly beautiful soul & human being (she consented to her story being shared). She sat in bed shortly after birth on a Zoom call speaking French. I looked at her like wth. I speak AP French from HS, which is not the same lol. I recently found out my family is from France. My mother & I are the only ones that speak French. My mom was multi-lingual. If curse words count, I am too.
Now the very interesting part of this, my son is 24% Ashkenazi Jewish from his father’s side. I learned about Jewish history in a college class that I took back in 1997 (I think). Best class I took, the professor did an amazing job teaching the content. I had an A+ in the class.
Everyone was irritated because I was one of two black people in the class. The other black person was a very close friend of mine. He got an A though LOL. He was also an Aj, it’s the little j for me!! If you ever read this homie, what’s good! My close college people will always get love. The hood ones can get tf. An example of getting tf…wait, do you hear the sound of trumpets? Maybe it’s just me.
Um, the trailer for The Social Reckoning? YEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
sending love to my living legends
*Clears throat in I’m A Hustla, by Cassidy
10/05/2026 is World Teachers’ Day!!!! Shoutout to my GOODT people in the game that play a crucial role in shaping the world we live in. I never signed up to be an educator, but my family ended up dragging me into it anyway :) Special shoutout to my lineage, starting from my granddaddy to my son. We’ve stood ten-toes down for the collective.
Let Me clear my throat
Happy Libra season. I love this season more than my own. Libras are the best humans in this universe. My 26th anniversary in healthcare is coming up & will mark one month away from my birthday. My granddaddy & aunt are celebrating birthdays this month. It’s such a lovely season.
I’m still here, writing diaries for the public. I pray life gets lighter, more fluid & feels like the warmest hug you’ve ever received. I’m expected to contact the mayor of New York regarding doula’s work. Thank goodness I have a burner email account. Imagine asking him for help & he realizes I done talked about him like a muggg. Welcome to my life lol.
As for me, I’m not grieving anymore, that’s a blessing. I’m surrounded by love & support, my immune system is side eyeing me, I’m side-eyeing COVID & stress. God shrugged at me, that’s what I get for not sitting my behind down. I get it. If I get attitudy with Him? I’m walking straight into a glass door, again. I decline to pursue that route. God’s strongest solider I am not. Y’all have fun lol.
people love to hate us
My friend sent me this video that I haven’t seen in forever. She said-oh look at Anjanette’s alter ego. I said damn, how did she figure that out. My alter ego? I love HER. HER is Queen Robyn, Rihanna- my Bajan relative. We have to be related, there’s no way we’re not. Robyn, DNA test on me, sis. Rihanna - Needed Me, phew. I’m trying to figure out how to reenact this video without the violence part because, yeah, I’m good. She did that so we don’t have to. I smell a bob in my future. Chop my hair short and walk around looking like Dora the Explorer. I’m with it.
Maybe it’s me. When I hear Chris & Rihanna’s songs, I hear two souls that miss each other deeply. Even now. Two people that the world beat down before they had a chance.
Breezy, is on repeat & December can’t come any faster, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year us out of this year. I just want to blow out the candles and twerk on something idcccccc. No hazmat suit, Lord. It’s getting flung just like that hospital gown. Imagine a nurse with her ass out. Oh, that’s Halloween :)
So, in essence (my POV only), these two still love each other. Chris has so many songs about lost love, so does Rihanna. Chris’ song Residuals (the concert version) brings people to tears. People keep asking Rihanna for an album, in her brain she’s like I wish y’all would sthu. She’s with A$AP, her dream was to have children, they have three together. She finally got her adorable little baby girl.
The world judging them kept them apart, that’s why they dated behind the scenes & we didn’t know. Rihanna admitted recently that she has over 100 songs in her vault. I was like sis, I know who they’re about and I love her makeup & hair brand, so I stand in solidarity with her on not releasing an album. Girl. Girrrrrrrrrrl.
Unrequited love? Many of us experience that. soul contract hits different apparently. I met a couple that confirmed this. It brings me back to the picture I posted on Facebook back in 2014 about red thread fate. I thought that was a beautiful concept, but it’s real. Listening to these two sing about each other taught me that too.
Nobody can erase that connection, even though media damn sure tried. So let me end here because I have no idea how nobody is peeping this. It makes me sad. I wish people understand extreme trauma in black people. These two would’ve made it if they weren’t in the music industry so young or if the adults responsible for them knew how to guide them properly. Sean Puffy Combs Diddy whatever he at the time of this writing, he is not a mentor. Also, somehow, he’s gotten his Just for Men hair dye back. Very interesting.
It’s so strange to live in a world that we have access to people yet don’t know their pain and find a way to judge them.
INERTIA
Guys, my dad’s sister called me. I had tears running down my face. The last time I heard her voice, I was 9 years old. My little girl cried for hours. Happy tears mixed with heartache. I’ll always miss my ancestors. This year it’s hitting me in waves, like the ones that tried to take me down in Mexico last year during my scuba diving situation. Girl.
I mentioned in a previous blog that Jesus talked to me at the airport after returning from my Spinning Babies class. Yes, Jesus y’all. I stayed at The (Haunted af) Elms Resort in Kansas City, April this year. I seriously considered spooning with my roommate, stuff got real, all of us were like, um can we go home now?
I was returning to New York & the toddler in me was activated. Hungry, tired, thirsty, hot, just a mess. Staying in a haunted resort is very exhausting. This kind gentleman shared he was the Lamb of God & I’d be ok. Now, I’m like I met Jesus? Nothing would surprise me atp. But why was he right? Why did he tell me that? I figured I was just really tired because I’m not on LSD, so what was that?
Nah, that was just a dream. A dream that 12 people witnessed. That’s great lol. Altered my brain chemistry because I’m still not understanding. Maybe some things weren’t meant to be understood, just felt, appreciated & released back into the universe.
Y’all, Dj Shinski put his whole foot in this! —Early 2000s Throwback R&B
In peace,
AJ
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