Hi Family <3

I hope life’s been gentle with you. I’m closing out one of the busiest seasons I’ve had. The last client who booked with me last year just gave birth & I’ll wrap up this cycle once their family is fully settled & snuggled in. After that, I’ll be on a break, a couple of months off I promised myself last year. I’m grateful I planned ahead, especially since some things have come up that need my full attention.

Before I go, I wanted to share more of myself here. When I stepped into birthwork, I hit the ground running & skipped over some juicy details of who I am & what I bring to this work. In consultations, I noticed how much people love learning about me, way more than I expected. My past clients check in to see what I’m up to & I think I was the only one who assumed no one would care.

It’s currently 3:23 AM ET on a random Tuesday. I wish I could say this wasn’t the norm, but truthfully, I’ve grown to love my life so much that I’m excited to start my day & my body truly never shifted away from working the night shift. Summer is my season. The earlier I work, the earlier I get to go outside & play or tend to my indoor jungle. Both are therapy in their own way. Adults deserve to play, too!

My Background, Extended Edition

If you’re new here, hi & welcome. I’m Anjanette, if my name gives you pause, you can call me AJ. I’ve been a registered nurse for 17 years & worked in healthcare for nearly 25 years (this October, ayyyyyye!). Over the last 3 years, I transitioned into birthwork as a birth doula, Lamaze educator & lactation counselor. But honestly, I’ve been in these healthcare trenches since before I could talk.

I will always pay homage to my family, they’ve paved the way for me in so many different ways. My granddad was a physician, I spent most of my early years with my grandparents while my mom worked. I helped care for them when their health declined. I was 12 when I watched my grandfather take his last breath. I sat beside my grandmother in the hospital each day after school for 14 months before she transitioned. Healthcare has always been a huge piece of who I am.

I often share that I’m a mama of two but haven’t shared that I was once a mother of four in my blended family. Cooking for a family of six is a full-time job that I wish I could list on my resume. I wouldn’t wish that amount of math homework on my worst enemy. I’ve been married, divorced & have done the solo parenting thing. I watched my mom struggle as a single parent, my dad passed away when my mom was pregnant with my brother. At 21, I became one of my brother’s legal guardians. My brother was diagnosed with autism at a young age. He is non-verbal & has special needs. My mom became the people’s advocate amongst the community of special needs. Despite being responsible for an entire household, her parents & a classroom of students, my mom always made time for us. After our mom passed, I became my brother’s sole court-appointed guardian. I became the elder of my family at a young age after all the elders I looked up to transitioned. Stepping into that was terrifying & heartbreaking, but I am here to tell the story. I didn’t ask for the genes of nurturing or advocacy, but as my mom’s (only!) daughter, I definitely inherited them. It makes perfect sense that I became a nurse & even more sense that I found my way into birthwork.

What is a Birth Doula?

Of all my roles, this one gets a barge of questions.

The million-dollar question. No matter how well I explain it, someone always thinks I catch babies. In many cases, that huge responsibility belongs to the midwife or OB/GYN. Doulas that catch babies can potentially catch lawsuits. Orange will never be the new black. Ever.

The New York Coalition for Doula Access (NYCDA) has the best explanation (read here) but I like to explain it through something I personally experienced not too long ago.

Before I was a certified diver, I took a scuba diving course. Our diving group had a divemaster & dive instructor. The dive master, Poseidon himself, was knowledgeable, confident, but impatient. The instructor was slower, more attuned to the fears of a beginner & saw us as his equals.

During our first 60-foot-deep-dive, I geared up, jumped in the water, glanced beneath the surface & was met by pure darkness. Girl, that thang was pitch black. Before I could say anything, the divemaster deflated my BCD. My heart dropped & so did my body, straight towards the bottom of the ocean like a little human torpedo. My brain could only rationalize that this man was trying to feed me to that dark abyss. I panicked & tried to climb his body like a ladder to escape to the surface. But ascending quickly during a dive is a big NO. The changes in pressures can cause a medical emergency.

But my dive instructor was there. He grabbed my shoulders & locked eyes with me. No words. Just energy, that stuff they talked to us about in physics class. In that moment, I surrendered in the middle of truly believing that I wasn’t going to make it. It felt like we were suspended in air. He stayed with me until I calmed down. I didn’t finish that dive. I went back to the boat & cried. I didn’t cry because I ended the dive or possibly ruined my chances of becoming certified. I cried because I was scared, for a moment, I couldn’t see myself making it through that.

I felt horrible because people warned me before the trip that I was walking into something dangerous. My doctor wouldn’t sign my medical form to gain clearance to dive. Even she had a scary story to share. People’s words have power. Without realizing it, their worries became my worries. But I kept going & asked my GYN to hook me up. I completed the rest of my dives & finished my certification, without Poseidon. My instructor guided me the rest of the way. He believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. He’s still one of my favorite humans. I am a mermaid now. I meet that dark abyss with every deep dive & I’ve learned to swim through it.

That’s what being a doula feels like. Like my dive instructor, my underwater doula. That calming presence in the middle of the unknown.

If you related to any of this, you may understand that sometimes parenthood feels like spiraling into a dark abyss & there’s nothing wrong with having a tether. Because being a birthworker will lead you straight to that dark abyss & you also deserve a tether. As doulas our clients are a reflection of ourselves. We are their mirror & they are ours. Our experiences speak to how it feels to move through a new chapter. We get one another in a unique way.

When something life-shifting happens, you remember who was there. My instructor stayed by my side. Doulas offer that kind of presence. Not loud. Not know-it-allsy. Just there. This is the standard of a good doula.

Up next, part 2…